PTSD Rock
I have yet to find, write, or read the perfect words that describe the feelings one experiences while dealing with any kind of PTSD, no matter what the cause – military service, domestic violence, sexual abuse, rape, a tragic accident or other trauma. I’ve often heard it said that not all injuries are visible. I can say from personal experience that the injury called PTSD, though invisible, is extremely painful.
The photograph at the top of the page expresses how I often feel while dealing with my own service-related PTSD issues. I guess I am trying to convey in the picture the sense of being stuck between a rock and a hard place as I try to come up with a survival plan, feeling all alone and like I don’t have much time left. In the midst of a hard time, it’s easy to think, “Well this is it. This is how I will spend my last moments alive.”
Some symptoms of PTSD can be emotionally draining while others put you on high alert. For many service members, PTSD symptoms – thoughts, memories, and dreams keep us up all night. Sometimes disassociation happens, leaving one feeling void of all emotions. Sometimes it shows up as avoidance. You would be hard-pressed to find a veteran or service member who would turn and run from a real and present danger. Sadly, in too many cases, people with PTSD end up running from perceived dangers, with devastating effects. According to the statistics 18 military veterans battling with PTSD take their lives every day in our country. That adds up to 6,570 reported cases a year.
UnderstandingPTSD may be the name of my website, but it is also something I have to do every day – dealing with it, trying to understand it, trying to treat not just my symptoms but to heal my soul. UnderstandingPTSD.org started out as just a personal blog, but the more I shared it with people, the more they asked me questions or shared their personal stories. Almost one year later I have a presentation, “What Comes After Welcome Home,” in which I share my personal struggles with PTSD, pass on resources for treatment, and raise awareness about PTSD. Some people say it takes the courage of a soldier to ask for help. I know that one of my battles was accepting that something was wrong, then being able to admit there was something wrong, and to learn how to talk about. This mission is backed by my church, the United Church of Christ La Mesa, and I look forward to the day when it is not me doing the presentations, and I can pass the torch to others who will continue helping the world understand PTSD.
PTSD is treatable. Never forget that. Don’t stop asking for help. My advice to those of you who are caregivers is to educate yourselves. Use the resources that the National Center for PTSD and the Veterans Administration hospitals have to offer. Education and awareness are your first steps to try to understand PTSD.
Awareness Adventure 2012 will bring awareness to our communities and sharing the resources to help treat our military — the sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, husbands and wives — returning from a life changing experience. Riding from California to Vermont on a bicycle with my son Parry, I will be pulling my service dog, Scrubs, in a trailer. This is my way of helping to bring awareness. I will use the media, the presentation, the bicycling community, my sponsors, our courage and sense of adventure to do this.
Awareness Adventure 2012 will not be possible without help from sponsors, family, friends, YOU. One of the ways my church is helping me is to manage the money. This means all donations made to Awareness Adventure 2012 through Welcome Home Ministries at United Church of Christ La Mesa are tax deductible. If you would like to help, please contact me. We have 11 1/2 weeks till we ride.
“A Vet’s Cry for Help”
A poem by David Pye, ADF, Vietnam Veteran.
“Try to understand”
If he stays home alone,
and doesn’t like to hear the phone
If he won’t answer the door,
’cause he doesn’t want to see anyone anymore.
“Try to understand”
If nighttime is something to dread,
And his sleep is restless and fleeting in bed,
If he quietly gets up in the night,
So as not to disturb your pleasant respite.
“Try to understand”
If he becomes nervous and jumps around,
At an unexpected movement or a sudden sound.
If he sits in a restaurant with his back to the wall,
Because he can’t have anyone behind him at all.
“Try to understand”
If he shows no fear and wouldn’t turn if he could,
That part of him has gone that says you should.
If his anger seems quick and extreme,
He’s only trying to control intense emotions unseen.
“Try to understand”
If he seems emotionless and indifferent some days,
And perhaps he just says “Go Away!”
If he becomes depressed and may seem unkind,
He is only trying to spare you the agony in his mind.
“Try to understand”
If his mood changes and alters,
And he becomes unsure and often falters,
If he becomes sad and stares into space,
He has only gone to some other place.
“Try to understand”
Because he can’t.
